let.it.stop.

Not again. It can't be happening again. The coldness, the thump-thumping... No. It was just like what it was before.

Whenever I don't think, hear, or see, I am sure it's gone. But I cannot live without my senses. And when my senses return, I am not quite sure of what I'm supposed to be sure of. What am I supposed to do?

I don't want to know that it was always still there.

It's pathetic.

Shoot me.

1 McDreamy please!

McDreamy. McDreamy. McDreamy. McDreamy. McDreamy. Mcdreamy.

I want him. Haha

today, i flew

I was able to fly! We had this thing for Physics. It's circular motion, if I'm not mistaken. Because of that, I was able to fly.

Mga Tula

PANATA NG TISA

Akong panulat ng mga guro at bata
Sa paaralan man o maging sa kalsada,
Akong puti na kadalasang gamit
Nararamdaman ang inyong pagtalikod sa akin

Akala niyo ba’y hindi ko ramdam
Na ang mga marka ko’y pinandidirihan?
At sa bawat pagbura ng aking mga guhit,
Ako ay iniiwasang pilit?

Tila ba ketong ang dulot ng aking mantsa
Hindi pa kuntento, ako’y inaalipusta
Kapag naputol, tatawaging tanga
Kapag nahulog, ako pa rin ang may sala

Pakiramdam ko’y ako’y walang kwenta
Kahit na alam kong sa aki’y maraming umaasa
Ngunit ako’y nanliliit, mas maliit sa dinurog na ako
Na sa isang ihip, sasama sa hangin at maglalaho

Hindi niyo ba alam ang sakit na nadarama
Sa tuwing ako’y idiriin at ipapansulat sa pisara?
Parang binugbog, maraming gasgas ngunit di pinapansin
Ito’y kaya pang tiisin nitong katawan kong inyong inaangkin

Dahil wala ng mas sasakit pa
Sa malaman na ika’y binabalewala
Na sa pakinabang ko at bawat pagguhit
Sa aking panliliit ay walang sumasagip

Masakit malaman na sa aking paglisan
Tila ba ako’y hindi napakinabangan
Sino ba sa inyo ang nakakaalala
Sa bawat tisa na inyong inalipusta ?

Ngunit kahit ako’y ulit-uliting durugin
Hindi ko magawang kayo ay sisihin
Dahil ano nga ba ako ? ako’y isang tisa lamang
Hindi ginto, isang puting bagay na nagiging alikabok

Kung kayo man ay napuwing at aking nasaktan,
‘di sinasadya, ngunit marahil ito’y pagpaparamdam
na ang sakit na nadarama ko’y ‘di tulad ng sa inyo
na agad nawawala sa pagpikit ng mata at muling pagbukas nito

Ngunit kahit ganito, ako’y mayroong panata
Isang panata na hindi kailanman masisira
Hanggang ako’y inyong kailangan, ako’y mananatili
Hangga’t ako’y kailangan, ako’y magsisilbi

Dahil ako ay masaya na habang ako’y gamit ninyo
At na sa bawat markang dulot ko
Sa guro, estudyante at maging sa’yo
Ako’y mananatili sa alaala ninyo

Dahil sino bang tao ang hindi nakakaalala
Ng mga karanasan sa eskwela at kalsada
Na kapag binalikan ay naghahatid saya
At ang dahilang ito sa akin ay sapat na

Hangga’t may nagtuturo at naglalaro ng piko
Ako’y mananatili, walang halong biro
Ako’y nangangako na kahit maging abo
Hindi patatangay sa hangin ang markang iiwan sa inyo

TIKLADO

Naririnig mo ba?
Kaya mo bang ipinta
Ang musika
Na napaka ganda?

Bat di subukan
Ipikit ang mata
Makinig ng mabuti
At sumabay sa kanta

Nadarama mo ba
Ang nais ipahiwatig
O nais iparating
Ng bawat notang naririnig ?

Hindi mo ba alam na sa pagtugtog
Ng bawat tiklado
Ay mayroong damdaming
Sa’yo ipinararating?

Kaya’t makinig ng mabuti
Ako’y tutugtog
Gagawa ng musika
At sayo’y ihahandog

Iingatan ko
Ang pagdiin
Ng aking mga daliri
Sa bawat tikladong tutugtugin

Ipikit ang iyong mga mata
At ikaw ay maghanda
Lasapin ang bawat nota
Na aking ipadarama

Halina, sabay tayong maglakbay
Umalis sa ating mundo, tayo ay lalayo
Doon tayo tutungo
Sa lugar kung saan tayo magtatagpo

Sa pagmulat ng mata
At pagtigil ng musika
Kasabay kang naglaho
Isa na lamang alaala

Sinubukan kong tumugtog muli
Ngunit sa bawat pagdiin ng daliri
Ang mga tiklado’y
Di na tulad ng dati

sick *sniff sniff*

I got sick the other day. I got flu. My head was aching so much I thought it would burst. I went to the clinic early morning because I felt that I have fever but when the school nurse got my temperature, it was normal daw. But I thought that the thermometer just wasn't put right under my armpit. She just gave me Biogesic for my headache. But then, my headache didn't stop. It went worse, for all I know. Until I decided to go back to the clinic when it was dismissal to have my temperature checked again. This time, I made sure I placed the thermometer under my armpit. And voila, I had a fever. A blazing 38.7 degrees! Haha I KNEW IT. IT WAS BECAUSE THE THERMOMETER WASN'T UNDER MY ARMPIT. IT WAS ON MY UNIFORM.

So I was sick the whole day and I felt that my head was going to burst. My eyes were also so hot and it felt tired. So I slept through most of my classes. I slept through Eco, Physics and Art. I took a nap in my other subjects. It was my first time. Haha It was fun! I never knew sleeping through classes was fun. Haha

I was absent yesterday. Awww. I needed rest. So I slept and ate, slept and ate, slept even more and ate even more. Such a fruitful day. I wonder how fat I will be if I do just that in the future. Haha Seriously, I think I'll be obese in just 3 months if I only do that. Haha

I went to school today. I missed teasing everyone kasi. I'm such a teaser! Haha I love teasing people. It's what I do best. Anyway, so I had fun teasing Karina. and Mela. and Kristine. and Karel. and Betsy. and Mina. Okay, I have fun teasing everyone. Haha

tomorrow, the moment of truth

Moment of truth one: The Blue Post is going to be out tomorrow! Yay yay yay! I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it. Haha It's what I've been waiting for. Finally, everyone gets to see what we've been working hard for. Oh yeah, you'll get to see my pretty picture in front and in my column. Haha What will they say kaya? It went through a major make-over. I hope they will like it.

Moment of truth two: Cards out tomorrow! I wonder what I got. Lord, please help me. Haha I'm scared. I want to freak out. Okay, calm down. I hope I did well. I hope I did well. I hope I did well.

anonymous seeing

I saw him last Sunday. Haha He looked funny. I don't know why. He's still pogi. Haha His hair grew na. It looked better. Oh well...whatever. It's been almost over a year (I think) and I still don't know him. Haha

And I will always be watching him from afar as he stands out amongst the sea of crowd, slowly fading before my eyes...

Awww. Haha at naging makata daw ako. *bow* haha

i survived!

I survived this week and I can't believe I did. I went to school totally unprepared. I didn't have pens nor did I have papers. I've been a pest to my seatmates this week. See, I told you I didn't want to go to school yet.

I didn't want to have lessons too. There was this one time when we were going to have Physics. I asked out loud...

Me: "Anong gagawin? I-chcheck lang 'yung IP 'di ba? Interview lang ba?"

Mikee: "Yata. Ewan ko. Bakit?"

Me: "Wala lang, ayoko lang kasi mag lesson!"

Mikee: *laughs* "Bangag!

I swear I don't feel like studying at all. IT SUCKS. I haven't been listening in most of our classes too. And yeah, I've been so noisy that my name's been frequently called out by our teachers.

Speaking of being noisy, I feel that I have been my noisiest for this year. Ms. Portia keeps on calling out my name together with Mela and Vianne. She called me twice today. One in Economics and one while we were having Con. Ed. And Ms. Jane also called me for being noisy while ago. I can't seem to stip myself from talking lately. I know I'm talkative but I've never been this talkative. Haha Oh well...

Some of my classmates already know that they are merit awardees. Ms. Kathy told them. There are really lots of new awardees for the last quarter. Kristine, Mela, Miki and Gem are few of those new ones. I think there are more. I don't know if I'll still be an awardee since my grades sucked BIG TIME. I swear I got lower grades last quarter.

Speaking of grades, my quarterly tests went...fine. They're not that high. I got low in Physics and Math. I got a 79 in Math and it felt okay. NOOOO! I'm starting to getting used to having alow score in Math during periodicals. This can't be! I can't get used to this. I'm supposed to improve, not be okay with such low scores. Aside from the two, I did fine on the other subjects. I guess.

Oh yeah...congratulations to the merit awardees!

awww

Someone remembered me. Patrick remembered me. I haven't had the chance to talk to him since what...second year? Haha Seriously. I thought he was dead. Well, he remembered me and we've been talking again.

It's amazing to know that no matter how long two people haven't been in touch with each other, they still remain friends. I've known him since I was in first year and that was like 3 years ago. We never got close though. But who cares? I still remember his birthday and he still remembers my family name. Haha A lot has changed since then and we've been catching up with each other. Which is nice.

Once a friend, always a friend.

alam mo ba?

Alam mo, may isang taong nagsabi sakin ng kung ano. At naiinis ako. Naiinis talaga ako. Kasi naman, 'di na naman kailangan pang ikwento sakin 'di ba? Ayan nanaman tuloy. Alam mo bang buong araw ko nanamang inisip 'yun? AT AYOKONG NAG-IISIP NG MGA GANUNG BAGAY. Dahil kapag nag-iisip ako ng ganun, kung anu-anong pumapasok sa utak ko na hindi maganda. Bangungot.

Hindi ko alam kung sa pagkakasabi lang sakin o talagang ganoon ang nangyari. Hindi naman totoo 'yung sinabi mo. Nakakainis ka talaga. Tingin mo ganun, ha? Pakamatay ka na lang kaya? Hanggang ngayon tingin mo ganun ako? Ganun ako sa pakikitungo sa'yo? Ewan. EWAN. Hindi ko alam kung pinanganak kang walang alam sa paligid mo o pinipili mong huwag tingnan ang mga naka palibot sa'yo.

Bahala ka na nga. Goodluck naman sa'yo.

the return *drum roll*

It's back-to-school tomorrow. Awww. I don't want to go back to school! Who wants to anyway? No one does!

10 reasons why I don't want to go to school tomorrow:

1. I don't want to see my grades. DAMN.

2. I don't want to have to worry about deadlines. AGAIN.

3. I don't want to stay inside the classroom for hours, listening to a teacher, bored to death.

4. I don't want to wake up early.

5. I feel that I need more rest.

6. I haven't had enough sleep. I mean, c'mon, I've been waking up early since June and I only get a week of enough sleeping time? How unfair can it get?

7. I can feel that my brain just won't function yet. It's not ready for another overdose of information.

8. I still want to play o2jam.

9. I don't want to hear teachers nagging us about things. Blah.

10. Because I'm lazy. Enough said.

I do not feel like going back to school tomorrow. Oh please, not yet. Not again. It's hell out there. I hate it when we are stuck inside the classroom with a boring teacher trying to teach something but unfortunately, what everyone just wants to do is sleep.

I wonder who invented school. I mean, aside from Aristotle and Plato and the likes. Why do we need to go to school 9 hours a day, 5 days a week? Why do we have different subjects? Why do we study Physics? Why do we study Algebra? Who said we need those? WHAT ARE THOSE FOR?! Yes, I know they're there to answer our curiosity and blah blah blah but...argh, whatever. It won't make a difference anyway. Maybe it's just because we need to learn, so they say.

But come to think of it, I won't do x(10!)-765x+sin30 when calculating in real life, would I? Oh, never mind. I rest my case.

Buhay coke, buksan mo

I saw this in coke's ad. It's nice...read it read it!

Ibuhos ang saya hanggang lahat ay mahawa. Buksan ang sarili. 'Wag pigilin ang tawa. Hatakin ang barkada. Game kahit saan magpunta. Bagong trip, ba't di subukan? Sama ka, 'wag magpaiwan! Kilalanin ang kapitbahay. Batiin ang kaaway. 'Pag nadapa, bangon lang. 'Pag may tumawa, bow na lang. Kung manalo, eh di masaya. Kung matalo, may next time pa. Kung mahal mo, pakita mo. Walang mawawala sa'yo. Panagarap, 'wag bitawan. Malay mo. Subok lang! Sama-sama. Salu-salo. Buhay Coke, Buksan Mo!

Coke never fails to give great ads. Have you seen the new ad in TV? The one where the guy bought coke from a vendo machine? Haha It's cuuuuuute!

a thought to share

Zy was the one who sent me this. Again. haha

"WE CHOOSE HOW WE SEE PEOPLE. WHEN WE WANT TO LIKE SOMEONE, WE CAN BE SO TOLERANT. WHEN WE WANT TO BE IRRITATED BY PEOPLE, WE FOCUS ON THEIR FAULTS. IT'S NOT OTHER PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOUS THAT DETERMINES HOW WE FEEL ABOUT THEM -ITS OUR ATTITUDE."

blog make-over

As you can see, my blog went on a major make-over. I just got tired of my last lay-out and so, I've decided to change it. It's something new. I don't know why but I've been into vintage and retro stuff lately. Actually, this skin wsn't my first choice. I had another one but much to my disappointment, it only works for the movable type. It's black and white with this woman who looks like those from the vintage advertisements. It was so nice! It really had that certain vintage feel into it. Well anyway, enough said. Since I couldn't use that, I just used this.

I actually had a hard time looking for another vintage-slash-retro skin because Blogskin really had a lot so I had to look into almost everything. I even tried looking into an Audrey Hepburn skin but, yeah, I didn't like any of them. They're good but not my type.

I spent around 2 days editing this thing so I hope you guys will like it. If not, well then, that's your problem and not mine.

sometimes, we become shits

When life gives us problems, we become depressed, we blame the world. We blame everything and everyone for the shit our lives have become. We blame our parents, friends, boyfriends, exes, pets...EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. THING. Thus, hurting them, as we think they've tried to hurt us. But hey, life just laughs at us for falling into its trap. It has successfully made us into a shit it wanted us to become.

Just the same, when life gives us success, we become arrogant, boastful. We like to be praised, praised and praised. We want to be the best. No one should ever beat us. It's as if we say to the whole world, "Adore me, I'm great, greater than all of you. Praise me. You can't do what I can." Though sometimes, in a subtle way. For us, it's either the world will love us or hate us. Who cares, right? We're still great no matter what. Congratulations, we've become life's greatest shits.

There are also times when we think who we are as we live will remain until we die. No changes, even with the bad traits. We have this mentality not to change for other people, which is true. So now, it becomes like this: "Accept me for who I am for I am like this. You can't change me. This is me. Love me for who I am, if you can't, go away." Think we shouldn't change, huh? Then we've become like shits, it stinks and it will stink forever.

We should change, if for the better. Not for the world, but for ourselves. We should be brave enough to change the things we can and accept the things we can't. We should also have the wisdom to know the difference, as St. Francis said.

These all just boils down to one thing, life turns us into shits and we allow it to happen. It's okay to become shitty. It's normal. But we need to clean ouselves up too. We can't be shits forever, can we? Whatever life has to offer us, let's accept it but never let life be successful into making us shits it wants us to become.

a thought to share

Zy sent this to me:

"I THINK PART OF THE REASON WHY WE HOLD ON TO SOMETHING SO TIGHT FOR SO LONG IS BECAUSE WE FEAR SOMETHING SO GREAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN..."

True. So, so true.

Hmmm...I might keep this section in my blog. A thought to share. I think I will. I really, really think I will. Haha