so crappy

Our pc's still not fixed. Darn it. It's so annoying. Now I can't go online as much as I want to. And I can't update this blog. grrr. Anyway, we had our culminating activity for the Buwan ng Wika awhile ago and something stupid happened which I don't want to narrate anymore since I too lazy to. haha So there, we were half day today and I was able to watch You Are The One. Woohoo! Yay! It was so nakakakilig! Swear! You guys should watch it talaga! Yes, I'm so baduy but I can't help it eh. I made epal with sila Vianne. haha Nothing much really happens. Everyday is the same. So monotonous.

busy as a bee

Maybe more than like a bee. Shocks, I need to do a LOT of stuff pa. The first school newspaper is due this September and I only have a few articles. Shit. I also have to help in the solicitation letter thingy for our legacy which will also start this September. And guess what?! I still don't have any idea of what kind of lay-out we should do for the yearbook. WAAAAA! Oh yeah, and add the column thingh for the Blue Post. Sir Gene asked me to have a column together with Mina and Biney and yeah, I have not the slightest idea what to do. But I'm thinking about it and hopefully, something comes out of my mind ASAP. Talk about shitness. And we still have the project thing for our media ed. WAAAAA!

updates

It's computer class right now and we're supposed to be doing something else. But anyway, since our computer is still broken and I'm too lazy to go to the net shop, I'll just update here. Oh, and our teacher just saw me doing this. haha

So I've been so busy these past days that's why I've been so tired too. We've been practicing the dance thing for the competition which was held yesterday and I swear, my knee hurts. I've got 2 big bruises on my knees. We won second place. Not bad. What else? The year book committee had our first meeting yesterday. Uhm, we need to think of the lay-out ASAP. Shit. I"ve also been assigned to be part of the solicitation letters committee for the legacy thing which means I need to help in doing solicitation letters to the company as well as talk to them. I'm also still working on the Blue Post with which the articles are due by next Thursday. Oh God, I need to think of my editorial. Hmmm... Anyway, aside from these, I still need to do a lot of other things. WAAAA! I'm gonna die early! haha Shit.

Hello pressure and stress! Welcome to my world! woohoo!

Die you person!

DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!

are your matches damp too?

I read this from Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel and I think it's nice. Dr. John Brown, one of the characters, said this to Tita.

Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves, just as in the experiment, we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen, for example, would come from the breath of the person of the one you love; the candle would be any kind of food, music, caress, word or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. For a moment, we are dazzled by an intense emotion. A pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it.

Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. That fire, in short, is its food. If one doesn't find out in time what will set off these explosions, the box of matches dampens, and not a single match will ever be lighted. If that happens, the soul flees from the body and goes to wander among the deepest shades., trying in vain to find food to nourish itself, unaware that only the body it left behind, cold and defenseless, is capable of providing that food.

That's why it's important to keep your distance from people who have frigid breath. Just their presence can burn out the most intense fire, with results we're familiar with. If we stay a good distance away from those people, it's easier to protect ourselves from being extinguished.

There are many ways to dry out a box damp matches, but you can be sure, there is a cure. You must, of course, take care to light the matches one at a time. If a powerful emotion should ignite them all at once, they would produce a splendor so dazzling that it would illuminate far beyond what we can normally see; and then a brilliant tunnel would appear before our eyes, revealing the path we forgot the moment we were born and summoning us to regain the divine origin we had lost. The soul ever long to return to the place from which it came, leaving the body lifeless.

My matches have been ignited but ironically, the one who ignited it was also the one who extinguished it and now, it's damp. It's damp but something is trying to ignite it once more. But no, I won't let it. When my matches become iginited again, I want to be able to take care of it, not letting anyone extinguish it anymore. But for now I can't. I've just been burnt and the wounds are just starting to heal. I wouldn't want to burn once more for the same person who burnt me before.

MTAP and more

A lot happened this week. Surprisingly, I was one of those who got in the MTAP thing. I was shocked. Seriously, why would I be one of those people who's going to have a math review for a competition?! Can someone please give me a decent reason. I'm not good at math. I even hate it. Why in the world was I chosen?? I'm just a spare anyway. haha But they should've chosen someone else. Now I have to go to review classes every Saturday. tssss.

Last thursday, I was already given the position of editor-in-chief for the school paper. It schocked me. AGAIN. I was ready to give up that position either to Mina or Biney but then...*poof* it was given to me. I was already happy with the lay-out editor thing for the yearbook.

Grabeh, so many blessings. I guess this is why I didn't win for the SCO. Maybe God really wanted me to be an editor. He wanted me to do something new; to do something I love but which I've been neglecting. I guess I was contented to be in my comfort zone that I didn't want to go out of it. But now, I realize that I love what I'm doing and that if I have been in the SCO, I wouldn't be loving the work as much as I love my work now.

Last week, Sir Gene asked us to write an essay as to why we were the ones who deserve the position of being the editor-in-chief. Biney, Mina and I were the ones who took the so-called final judgement. It was then that I realized why I wanted to write. I realized that I didn't want the position just because it's the highest position there is but because I wanted to reach out to people and to touch their lives. I knew that even though that position wasn't given to me, it was fine with me as long as I can write. And maybe this is also the reason why I've been keeping this blog. I want to let people know what I think and hopefully, make a difference in their lives.

random thoughts

I had to commut going to Leaning Links awhile ago just to find out that the review was cancelled. I woke up at 5.30 am, rode a jeepney going to complex, a jeepney going to caltex, and a tricycle going to Learning Links. Can you imagine how much smoke and dust got into my lungs? You know how much I spent going there? You know how much effort I put just to be able to attend that stupid review?! They cancelled it without even informing us! WTF?!

Anyway, as I was commuting, I thought of something. You know when we pass by people we don't know? Wala lang, we see them but we don't know them. Ever wonder what the story of their lives are? I was trying to think of that. What if that girl who passed by me was having a problem at home? What if that lady with such a frown on her face had a divorce? Or what if that guy I saw just got busted? I know, it's stupid. haha

How about this, have you ever thought about your life being connected to someone else's life? Someone you don't know? I have. Awhile ago, while I was riding this tricycle, there was nother tricycle behind us with a guy in it. When I got out of the tricycle, he also got out of his. When I crossed the street, I saw him again, standing at the other side of where I was. I walked past him and rode a jeep. When the jeep I ws riding came to a stop, I saw him again, in a jeep beside us. I knew he saw me too because he was looking at me. I knew he found it weird as I found it weird.

Suddenly, my life has been connected to someone I don't know. He's now a part of my life no matter how short he appeared in it. This happens everyday. It's like the one in The Five People You Meet In Heaven." When the lead died, the first person he saw was a stranger whom he didn't know affected his life. They just had an encounter when one day, he was walking in the street and this stranger was driving down the same street. And because of this, their lives connected.

Yes, I know, I'm so weird. But think of it, what we made a difference in the life of the person whom we bumped to? Weird, isn't it?

UPCAT

Took my UPCAT last Saturday and it was hell. Hell I tell you, HELL! The grammar and comprehension part was easy but the Math and Science part...never mind! I swear my brain ran away! I guessed in most of the qestions. Unang tanong pa lang sa science, 'di ko na alam. Woohoo! haha The Math part, when the proctor wrote there was 10 minutes left. I still had 4 pages left so yeah, I guessed na lang. haha I didn't care if it was right minus .25 since it's sayang naman. What if I'm right? 'Di ba? haha Oh well, I really want to pass UP because for me, college is just between UP and DLSU. hmmm...

And about college...I really would want to take up culinary arts. Yeah, stupid noh?! Tipong, ano naman ang future ko dun? Pero cooking is one of my passions. It's also one thing which I love doing. And I believe that if I become a chef, I really wouldn;t treat is as a work because for me it's fun. But I want to have a degree eh. So I guess I'll finish comm arts first. It's also something I want naman eh. See? Every course I want has to do something with Art and nothing with math or science. haha Oh well, what can I do? I use my right brain more. And I'd want to do something I love in the future, right?

stress week

So many things to do...so little time. I don't know which ones to do first. Periodicals na next week. Cram time. God, I still don't understand Physics! I'm currently hating it. I never believed that I could hate a subject more than Math. But apparently I can.

Oh yeah, I got the Lay-out Editor slot for the year book! Yay! I finaly get to do something I love doing. Can't wait. Can't wait. haha

awww

Anonymous wasn't there. So sad. Oh maybe next Sunday? I miss him na. haha Nyeeeh. I need to get to know him na. I heard the third years want s JS Prom instead of the quince thing. And if that happens, I need a partner and there's no one I want more than anonymous. haha ASA.

.....

This is the worst week of my life. It's hell. Hell's everywhere. In the house, school, even the service is hell. In short, I'm having such sa hellish life. AND I DON'T LIKE IT. I don't know why things are happening. It's de ja vu. It's like going through what I went through the past year. And I don't know what to do.

It's like walking in the dark, without light, hoping that every turn I make is right. But every turn I've made is wrong and I'm still struggling to find the right way. It's hard. I don't even have anyone to guide me or even just someone go with me through this dark path. I don't know. Yes, it's so ironic. I have so many people around me but I just feel that I'm by myself this time. It's weird. I feel that I haven't had any deep relationship with anyone until now. Four years have passed and still...I feel that no one really knows who I am. I don't know. It's like no one really bothers to know me more than how they see me.

WTF?! I'm being such a drama queen. But yeah, maybe it's because of all the stress. I HATE IT. And I thought, for the first time in four years, that I have started establishing something deep with someone. No, with people. I was just starting to open up and get them to know me more. I was hoping that I'd find soemthing more. Oh well. I don't really know what to do right now.

I want these feelings to go away. I just cried for like an hour awhile ago, something I don't normally do. Especially in school. But what the heck, I did cry. For some reason, when I closed my eyes, tears started to fill up my eye. Oh, and I realized I could let tears fall from my eye one at a time. Without squinting ha! I can be an actress. Who said only Claudine Baretto could do that?! haha

Yes, I know I've been a little too sensitive lately and I'm so sorry for those people whom I got hurt, raised my voice to and you-know-what. I've never been like this before. I hope I get over this. SOON.

UPCAT

I will be taking it this Saturday. Please, please pray for me. I really want to pass UP. I'd want to choose between DLSU and UP. Oh yeah, who's going to take their test at 12.30 pm, in the CVM-IAS Communal Building aside from Mina and Joy?